She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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