nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
