Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
