Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
