shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
