if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
