it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
