I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
