The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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