too bad you live with your parents still
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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