He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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