my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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