Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
