Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
