Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
do herpes really smell.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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