so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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