Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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