I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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