I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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