Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
