just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dick very happy bro
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
