My sheets look like a crime scene.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
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The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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