I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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