It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
