that's an acceptable place to lick
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
