Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
