WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
