If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
