I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
