so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
