You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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