guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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