Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
false alarm, still single
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