Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
