Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
