Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
