Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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