my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
