Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
