I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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