I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Randomize
