dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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