i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
