I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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