We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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