I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
