I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
