You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
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and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think your dad took our porno
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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