Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
