my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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