Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
