drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
