Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
