apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
