I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
