ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
