I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
