Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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