Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
