Where is the hickey?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
