I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
