nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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