we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
