i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
