Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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