I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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