The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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