I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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