We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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