Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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