idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
