Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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