Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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