Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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