we have pet lesbian snakes
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
