So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
