Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
