12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Operation Purity has been aborted
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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