How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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