Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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